The Power of Knowing My Limitations

man-2037255_1920The Power of Knowing My Limitations

by Jonathan Woolridge, WeAlign Certified Coach

“Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing it is stupid.” – Albert Einstein

Have you ever had a moment when you felt completely inadequate? For me it had to do with songwriting. I’m a musician and I’ve been playing guitar and singing for 16 years. Even though I’ve written some songs along the way, the process has felt like trying to climb a tree with fins.

Several years ago, I took part in a Facebook songwriting challenge. We were supposed to write and record 1 song a month for 6 months. This seemed like a low bar, so I decided to give it a shot. After a month and a half of songwriting at an agonizingly slow pace, I finally had a mostly finished draft and a recording. We were required to post our songs to the Facebook group, so I did.

After posting my first song, I saw that a high school student that I had mentored from church was also in the challenge and had already posted his first 2 songs. As I listened to his first one, I felt a pit form in my stomach, my heart rate went up, and I felt jealousy rising in me. And then I was angry. I turned his song off after 30 seconds because I couldn’t take how good it was. Here was another musician, 10+ years my junior, with more natural writing ability in his pinky, than I had in my entire body. I felt so small. I felt small, because I was basing my identity on an area of weakness and not strength.

These kinds of realizations happen for people all the time in every industry. I’m sure you’ve experienced something like this and probably have someone in mind who picked up a skill or job task so quickly it seemed like they had been doing it their whole life. When I heard this student’s music, it showed me, in bright neon letters, that my natural talents didn’t lie in songwriting.

To cheer me up, some people might say, “That’s alright, if it’s your dream keep at it! If you work hard enough, you can be as good as Bono or Paul McCartney! After all, they had to start somewhere didn’t they?” While this is an encouraging sentiment, there is an unintended lie at its center. The lie is this, “Anyone can do anything. All it takes is hard work.” It might be insulting that I would be bold enough to call that a lie, but please hear me out. Donald Clifton, the father of strengths psychology and creator of the CliftonStrengths Assessment, said in his book Soar With Your Strengths, “To theorize that ‘anyone can do anything’ assumes that all people are clones, possessing an identical set of talents. This, of course, is false. We are each one of a kind, with a unique set of strengths.” You see, if each of us is truly unique, then some of us must have a propensity for certain things over others.

Now I’m not saying we should never focus on areas of weakness, but if that’s the ONLY areas we focus on, then we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment. Even worse, focusing solely on improving our limitations may cause us to never discover the natural talents within us. We all have genius in one area or another, but the problem is that most people focus on what they think they should be good at rather than the areas that they could be best at. If we try to force our way to excellence, chances are, we will arrive at mediocrity. When we know who we are and can unleash our strengths exponential growth will occur!

What natural talent have you been ignoring in your life? What areas of weakness have you tried to turn into strength? As 2019 comes to a close and we look forward to new things in 2020, I challenge you to let yourself off the hook! I challenge you to discover your natural talents and hone them! I challenge you to step into the recognition that who you are isn’t mediocre. You are a genius and exponential growth is waiting for you if you focus on your strengths!

THE POWER OF AFFIRMATION

Affirmation…so powerful yet so underestimated.

I remember the day when my daughter made a dramatic change, all because of three short words. We were living in France, and she was going to the Maternelle (kindergarten).   At a parent-teacher meeting, the teacher smiled as she exclaimed, “Elle est vite!” (she is fast). Our daughter heard and immediately embraced this affirmation. For the next two years she ran everywhere as fast as she could! “I am fast. I am fast. I am fast…just watch me!” as those words of truth propelled each step forward.

My daughter didn’t realize that her teacher was affirming her mental agility (quickly learning the French language and culture), not her physical prowess. Yet, a compliment put wings on her shoes.

Affirmation turned on a switch in my daughter, just like how Clark Kent taking off his glasses and ripping open his shirt reveals the “S”—his true identity as Superman. We all have “Super” within us, but it usually takes something external to draw it out of us. Many times we may have a hunch or a feeling that something is true about us, but it’s confirmed and brought alive when others call it out. It’s the power of affirmation!

Affirming someone is simply calling out a truth of their authentic design. It’s truly who they are at their core identity. “I appreciate that you have enduring, rock-solid values” or “I love how you always love to learn” are great examples of calling out an identity truth in someone. Complimenting others is a great start too, but slightly different. A compliment is a positive statement referring to a task done or trait possessed. “Thank you for cleaning up the dishes tonight” or “that shirt looks great on you”. They both trigger the production of oxytocin, the “happy” hormone in our brains which results in smiles and warmth.

Here’s a little experiment for you this week: It’ll be easy, simple, and free. Do you want to dramatically change a relationship or your work environment? Start affirming others, and often. Find those characteristics in others that you can call out and affirm in them.  If that seems too difficult to start with, then begin with a smile and a compliment. But flattery is different, and doesn’t count. Flattery is actually focused on elevating the speaker, not the receiver. It highlights a situational non-truth about the other. For example, “I loved your keynote speech” (but you weren’t there and didn’t hear it) or “I’m grateful for your leadership” (but secretly you neither respect nor trust the leader). Affirmation and compliments are a gift to the receiver, because it can produce change in the person’s self-esteem.

Affirmation will put an “S” on your chest…because we all have Super within!  Let WeAlign help you discover your greatness- your true authentic design.

(By the way, we affirm a lot)!

-Dave

The Joy-Driven Life

We are created to be relational beings, joyfully living integrated lives within community. However, it’s my observation that few of us actually do it, and the results are painful—rampant immaturity, dysfunction, and addictions.

Dr. Jim Wilder, founder of Life Model Works,  has made it one of his life missions to help men and women grow up, into emotional maturity. He estimates that 75 percent of men function at an infant maturity level—able to receive but not give. He’s often called the “Neuroscience Theologian,” and his way forward is unique, unusual, simple, and profound. It all starts with the brain and joy.

You’re likely aware that there are two sides to the brain. The left side operates cognitively and responds to duty, beliefs, and discipline. The right side is relational and fueled by joy. Dr. Wilder observes that the answer to developing maturity lies in the relational right side of the brain through the emotion of joy.

Extensive scientific studies show that the brain is developed relationally and is driven by joy. According to Dr. Wilder, joy means that I am glad to be with you. UCLA neuroscientist and pioneer in this field, Dr. Allan Shore, concluded, “To develop a human identity we must be the ‘sparkle in someone’s eyes.’ ” It is this special sparkle, being genuinely glad to be with someone, that opens the relational side of our brains. It’s much more important that we’re together than how it’s going to turn out. The problem ought never trump the relationship.Sharing Joy

I’m very encouraged to see that a joy-filled, relational movement is gaining momentum in families, neighborhoods, and workplaces. Many are turning on and tuning the right side of their brains. I am among them. As I coach others in living fearlessly, I amazed by the immediate results.

Last spring, I saw this happen in a large non-profit organization. During laborious meetings of budget building and planning, I introduced simple brain exercise before the “grind” part of the meeting. Incredibly, their time stayed relational, with tasks being accomplished faster and better, more efficiently, energetically, and joyfully. The team has continued to transform through these simple relational exercises, and are still learning, growing, and developing their brains through joy. We are seeing lives change!

It all starts with joy. Life Model Works has developed 19 brain skills that build joyful communities. The first skill is “Share Joy.” Facial expressions and voice tones say, “We’re glad to be together!” So, here’s a quick application: Look for opportunities to be glad to be with people. I smile and focus on good things as much as I can. So practice your smile!

And, by the way, keep in mind that ‘We are glad to be with you!’ Now pass on the joy!

 

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